Rant:Parent Homework

I have 3 children, 2 of them are in school.  I think I have done more homework then both of them combined this year.  What is the deal with that?

I finally lost my homework marbles this weekend when my 4 year old came home with the Mystery Bag from preschool.  Of course the minute we walked in the door he was off to fill it and I in turn promptly forgot about it.....until backpack packing time.  You know, that frantic time between 9:00 and 9:30 PM on Sunday night when you run around frantically trying to make sure everyone is set to go on Monday morning.  Notebooks are signed, library books are accounted for, snacks are packed, clean clothes laid out, that kind of thing.

I decided I should at least see what kind of crap stuff Middle Child had thrown into the Mystery Bag.  Upon opening the bag I discovered a set of directions FOR.THE.PARENTS.  It stated how much fun this project would be to do with your child, blah, blah, blah.  It also went on to say that they did not want your child to bring in toys and it would be much better if the items that were in the bag could somehow relate to the theme/letter/number/color of the week.  HOLY HELL.  It gets better.

Not only can it not be toys and has to relate to what they are learning about, you also need to help your child come up with clues to describe the items to the class.  I guess they don't want Middle Child running into the classroom, blurting out what the items are after they I spent so much time (read: 5 minutes) figuring out what to put in the bag.

So in my mad dash to fill the mystery bag and return it to school on Monday morning like a good attentive mother would do.  I quickly stuff a colored on football that was sitting on the counter waiting to be washed off for the letter F and I cut some adorable Valentine hearts out of pink post-its.  BOOY-AH two for one.  Pink is color and Valentine is the theme this week.

Damn I almost looked like I had my act together as I dropped Middle Child off 5 minutes late, wearing snowpants that are 2 sizes too small and his boots on the wrong feet.  Good thing the teachers couldn't see Baby Child still in his jammies eating his breakfast in the car......they would never accept his application for next year.

Got to run, have to finish a globe made out of a non-round object and cut out all the words I can find that start with the letter Q for alphabet book.

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Hurry Up and be Sarcastic and Witty

Well, I just linked my blog up over at the hilarious blog People I Want to Punch in the Throat and now I need to have something new and witty to write in case anyone pops over here.  AHHHH.  I don't do well under pressure.  Kidding...I do best under pressure.  I wait until the last minute to everything because I live for the pressure....or the fact that I have three insanely high maintenance children who never let me get anything done in a relaxed, timely fashion.

I really have nothing, so Hi!  to everyone who stops by.  Maybe I will be back tomorrow with something profound and life altering to add to the blog world!

2012 Goals

Here it is a new year and just like every new year I am going to set some goals that I will never achieve.  If I put them in writing then there is a slightly higher chance that I may actually work towards accomplishing some of them.

Here they are in no particular order:

1.Purge and clean my house  We are truly just one pile of crap away from being on an episode of Hoarders.  If they based it solely on my 8 year old's room, we are in hands down.  I want to do a deep clean and purge of each room and then try to only have to do quick weekly clean-ups.  But since I have 3 children and I hate to clean, this is a very lofty goal.

2.Attend one craft fair/boutique as a vendor I attend plenty as a consumer, now its time to get my stockpile going and be ready come Fall.

3.Eat healthier and work out sometimes  I am setting the bar low on this one.  I hate to cook, my family hates everything I cook and hauling 3 kids in and out of the gym is more of a workout then my 30 minutes on the treadmill is even worth.

4.Scrapbook 2011.  I ordered this kit to help me get started.  I figure I will do month by month and someday go back and work in each child's book individually.  Again, a lofty goal since I have no where to leave things out that isn't accessible to sticky nasty little hands.  And because someone is demanding my attention about 23 hours out of every single day.

5.Be in more pictures with my children.  If you go back and look at their scrapbooks (who am I kidding the oldest is the only one who has one or more scrapbooks) you would think they are just well-dressed, color-coordinating motherless children.  Sure some fat, sweaty lady with a crazed look on her face shows up in a picture every once in awhile, but not nearly enough to prove that they actually have a mother.

6.Take more pictures and get them uploaded and ordered in a timely fashion.  This probably isn't going to happen since the baby's 6 month pictures turned into 12 month pictures and are still sitting on a CD under a pile of stuff somewhere in our Hoarder house.  Did I mention that said baby will be turning 2 tomorrow?

7.Find a way to have the kids do more work around here   There has to be some sort of incentive/reward/mind game out there will actually make my kids want to help.  I am willing to pay top dollar for it at this point, if you know of something, please help a Mama out!

Well, I think that is enough work for one year in addition to all the stuff I have to do on a daily basis. You know like keep the kids alive, the house from burning down and let's face it all that totally unnecessary stuff from Target isn't going to buy itself.

Happy New Year Y'all!

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Gift Wrapping 101

We have a large extended family and about 30 people on our Christmas shopping list.  We budget for it all year, but unfortunately the budget doesn't show up and wrap all the blasted gifts.

If I had my way every gift we buy would be plunked in a gift bag, stuff some tissue on top and delivered to the reciepient with a smile.  However I have been told "nobody likes to reach into a bag to get a gift, the fun is in unwrapping it."  Said the male who hasn't wrapped a gift in 14 years.

In order to turn the pile of purchased items into thoughtfully bought and WRAPPED gifts, I have simplified the gift wrap process this year

 1 theme of wrapping paper

Polka dots were easy to find this year and work well for young, old, boy or girl. But I guess if they want their gifts bad enough it doesn't matter if you wrap your 90 year old grandpa's in hot pink Hello Kitty paper.  It's what is on the inside that is important people!

2 coordinating colors of ribbon

1 bucket of coordinating tags

I prefer the tie-on tags versus stick on.  Mainly because you have more options for attaching the tag and they come in more sizes.  So when you are trying to jam all 5 family members names onto one tiny gift because you are too cheap to buy more then one, you will have the room you need.
I also prefer the tie-on ones because the tend to be a little less "festive" then the sticker ones.  And because I'm a type-a, crazy anal, everything must match, weirdo, I do not like using a Santa tag on candy cane wrapping paper.  Just sayin......

And if you are anything like me, it will take you about 3 weeks to completely finish wrapping the gifts for extended family members.  Most likely finishing up minutes before you are to walk out the door to a festive holiday get together with said family members and at some point realizing that you forgot someone's gift and further realizing that you have absolutely no idea where that gift could be.

But when you are done you will have a fabulous pile of gifts stacked in your bathroom, because really where else would you store them?  Under the actual Christmas tree for the almost 2 year old to unwrap daily?  Or maybe in the garage which barely has room for 2 cars it was made for because of all the other crap necessities that are stored in it?
Yes, I did resort to gift bags for several odd shaped, over-sized gifts. Or when I was just to lazy to find a box or look for the tape/scissors yet again because for some reason they just keep walking off (in the hands of the above mentioned toddler).

Happy Wrapping Y'all

Beware: Christmas Rant Ahead

I used to LOVE Christmas time.  Everything about it.  The lights, shopping, decorating and wrapping.  I could not wait to start my shopping every year and then come home, throw on the Christmas music and get to work wrapping every gift just so, complete with matching ribbon and gift tag.  I would do a little holiday baking.  I hate to bake, I hate anything that has to do with the kitchen, so for me that was huge.

After having children, my attitude about Christmas has changed dramatically.  On so many levels.

Begin Rant Here:
My children do not need tons of toys.  Our basement already looks like the backroom of an all boy toy store.  They don't play with toys.  They use toys to throw at each other and to stand on in order to reach other non-toy items that have been placed out of their reach on purpose.
They would rather spend time with you (and YOU know who YOU are).  They might like to go to college someday.  Or perhaps they will need bail money at some point.  Consider gifting your time or tucking a little away for future expenses.  They can always use clothes.  They are boys.  Boys are very hard on things, we go through several pairs of pants in a month.  That gets spendy and unfortunately they can't wear Legos or DS games.

My children whine when they don't get EVERYTHING on their list.  Please.  Did Baby Jesus ask the Wise Men to bring him gifts?  Did he ask them to bring specific gifts?  I don't believe that he did.  However, I do think that he was grateful for what he did receive.  He probably even followed it up with a lovely thank you note.

Whatever happened to just going out and purchasing items that you thought the gift recipient would enjoy?  I saw a sign that said "I hope you enjoy the gift that you told me to buy for you".  That is exactly how I feel about giving out specific lists.  How about I just give you the cash and you can go buy the item.  It's basically the same level of thought and I don't have to haul three children through a crowded store while they ask for everything that they put on their list that they are just absolutely sure they are not going to receive.  Which is a possibility since there are about 500 items on each list!

Also don't ask me for a list and then complain about everything I put on it.  If you refuse to buy my children anything other than toys, guess what, that practical item that we need is going to end up on my list.  Deal with it.  If you think the shoes I want are ugly, keep your opinions to yourself or I will start unleashing my opinions on things.  And we all know that is not a good idea. If you are certain that the item I think that I want, I really don't want, then come up with your own idea about what I do want! Save me the stress and time of making a list that you never really wanted in the first place.

I could go on and on about how cookie baking with children should be outlawed, and how if you hate getting your gift in a gift bag then maybe you should help with the gift wrapping and the stress of the perfect Christmas card picture.  But I will save those thoughts for another time.  Maybe after a few glasses of wine to help me relax and enjoy this Most Wonderful Time of the Year.